It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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