I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
