DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
