i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
