I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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