wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
