Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
