After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
