Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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