I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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