i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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