I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
