winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
