Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
