You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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