I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
