the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
