I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
