it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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