My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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