i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
