well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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