Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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