Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
