Plan B is the new Plan A
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
