come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
