Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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