New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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