I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
