At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
