Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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