I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
