i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
tequila makes me forget i have legs
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
