I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
