I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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