she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
