When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
