Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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