I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
