totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
