My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
