I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
