dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
