How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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