This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
