Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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