Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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