So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
