walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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