Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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